The script for the 2nd pilot episode of the audio series of TUGS: The New Series. The reason that this is the second pilot is because I felt the series needed an established voice cast.
Narrator: Back in the days when my father ran the Star Fleet, things were busier than ever. Important jobs often required a great deal of strength, and he only had a few tugs to help him manage. Two harbor tugs, Warrior and Big Mac, a railway tug, Top Hat, a paddlewheeler, O.J., two switchers, named Ten Cents and Sunshine, and Hercules, an ocean-going tug. He also had a submarine that occasionally worked for him named Grampus. But even a fleet like that would rival the shape and size of the Z-Stacks. So on one particular day, he decided it was time to get some fresh blood.
Captain Star: Good morning, Star Fleet! I’ve got some good news!
Top Hat: I say, are the Z-Stacks going bankrupt?
The tugs laugh.
Captain Star: Stow it, all of you! I’ve hired two new tugs.
Top Hat: When do we hear the good news?
The tugs start laughing again.
Captain Star: I said stow it, Top Hat! The first’s name is Emily, and she’s a switcher from New York. Ten Cents, Sunshine and Warrior, she will be working with you up river with the logging station. Make sure nothing goes wrong, or we could lose the contract.
Ten Cents: Right on, Captain Star. Hey, Sunshine, this will be a chance for you to be the instructor!
Sunshine: Ooh, I’ve always wanted to be that.
Captain Star: The second is a tug named Matthew, and he’s from the United States Navy!
Top Hat: A navy tug, you say? A navy tug like Bluenose? I hope I don’t have to instruct him.
Captain Star: Top Hat, you will be showing Matthew around the harbor!
The Star Tugs wildly laugh.
Top Hat: Me? Working with a naval tug?
Captain Star: It’s your job, Top Hat, and it’s your duty to do it! Hercules and Big Mac, you will be working on the munitions contract! Remember, if you run into Bluenose, either ignore him or remind him of what happened the last time he tried to give orders!
The tugs all laugh.
Narrator: Ten Cents, Sunshine, and Warrior didn’t quite know what to expect from a new tug. They half expected a shiny tug with stripes, but instead, they discovered a reddish-brown tug sitting in the estuary.
Ten Cents: I say there, hello. Are you Emily?
Emily: I should certainly say I am. (sarcastically) Unless there’s another tug around here that is reddish-brown.
Sunshine: I say, Ten Cents, I’m beginning to like her already.
Emily: My full name’s Emily McAllister.
Warrior: After the company?
Emily: No, after the pizza…Of course it’s after the company!
Ten Cents: Well then, we might as well get a move on.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Top Hat was looking for Matthew, and groaning about it as usual.
Top Hat: I always get the dirty jobs. I’ll be glad when this is over. This tug must be a real snooty type. I say, what’s that? Ahoy there! Do you need any help?
Matthew: My engine's cut out! I need a tow into the harbor.
Top Hat: I’ll try to help you. What’s your name, good sir?
Matthew: Matthew. I’m a naval tug.
Top Hat: Oh yes, you’re that tug who I’m supposed to show around the harbor.
Matthew: I’d say I am. You must be Top Hat. You’re the one that they say is always acting like you run the place.
Top Hat: Well, I never!
Narrator: Here’s a tip: If you’re a tug, and you ever meet Top Hat, do not, under any circumstances, unintentionally insult him.
Top Hat: Well, let’s go. The sooner we get this over with, the better.
Narrator: Top Hat attached a tow line to Matthew. But as he pulled, the tow line snapped.
Top Hat: Goodness! Did you do that?
Matthew: Couldn’t have, could I? After all, I’m in no position to pull back, and it’s your line!
Top Hat: It won’t happen again!
Narrator: In spite of the evidence that showed the line was weak, Top Hat thought Matthew had snapped the line on purpose, and he grumbled about it as he pulled Matthew to Lucky’s Yard to fix his engine. Later that day, Emily, after being shown the harbor, was working with Ten Cents, Sunshine, and Warrior up river, working on the logging barges.
Ten Cents: Now, mind you, these barges aren’t exactly stable. If you let go of them, there’s always the possibility of them floating away.
Warrior: Like this!
Sunshine: Warrior, you just hit that marker buoy!
Warrior: In that case, it should watch where its going.
Buoy: What do you mean, ‘watch where I’m going’? I’m a marker buoy! All I do is sit in the same spot all day!
Warrior: In that case, watch where your spot is!
Ten Cents: And remember, never let loose your tow line quickly, because if you do, it might spin the barge out of control.
Narrator: Top Hat was not happy about Matthew. Matthew’s engine cutting out was going to make Top Hat late. For what, you might ask? I know about as much as you do.
Top Hat: Are you going to be long?
The Red Cross: Oh dear. Seems to me that there is a leak in his engine. We can give you a temporary patch right now, but don’t overwork yourself, or you’ll cause more damage. You can come back tomorrow for full repairs.
Matthew: Thanks, ma’am. I’m sure I’ll be fine.
Top Hat: What an overpolite smokestack!
Narrator: The logging tugs were in Mitzville. They had just delivered the logs and were about to go back up river to get more logs. In the mean time, Hercules and Big Mac were taking the munitions down the river to the Bigg City. It was a dangerous job, as they were fighting against the tide.
Hercules: Careful now, m’dear. This could get ugly.
Big Mac: At least we haven’t run into Bluenose today.
Narrator: Approaching them were the logging tugs with their barge. Behind them were Matthew and Top Hat.
Hercules: Ok, Big Mac, let’s ease forward.
Ten Cents: Oy! We’ll let you pass by!
Narrator: The logging tugs stopped to let Hercules and Big Mac move by. Top Hat, who hadn’t been paying attention, headed forward.
Big Mac: Hey, Top Hat! Look out where you’re…
Narrator: It was too late. Without warning Top Hat drove right into the munitions barge. It flew off course and began flying dangerously close to one of the docks.
Hercules: Help! We’re gonna blow sky high if we can’t stop this thing.
Narrator: Emily, forgetting her instructions to stay connected to the barge and to ease off slowly, let loose her tow line and ran to help Hercules and Big Mac. the lack of one tug dragged part of the barge down the river, and it was starting to drag Ten Cents and Sunshine with it. The combined forces began to spin the barge.
Sunshine: Oh no! We’re losing it!
Matthew: I got it!
Narrator: Everything happened at once. Emily slammed into the munitions barge and pushed it away from the dock. Top Hat quickly helped her. Matthew slammed into the log barge and pushed it away from drifting off course. They were safe at last. There was a spert.
Matthew: Whoop, looks like my engine’s cut out.
Top Hat: Oh dear, this is all my fault.
Narrator: My father was not very happy.
Captain Star: Emily, what you did was reckless. You should’ve stuck to your duty at towing the barge.
Emily: Sorry, sir.
Captain Star: And Matthew, you should’ve followed the Red Cross’s instructions to not overuse your engine until they could fix it.
Matthew: Aye aye, sir.
Captain Star: However, I need to commend you tugs.
Star Tugs: What?
Captain Star: Emily, despite causing some of the confusion, you managed to set that munitions barge right and prevent it from blowing up the river. That was very brave.
Emily: Most definitely.
Captain Star: Matthew, you steadied the barge when it went out of control.
Matthew: I suppose I did.
Captain Star: And Top Hat, I'm sure you've learned a valuable lesson. A lesson of trust, not to mention jumping to conclusions based on what a tug does.
Top Hat: (gloomily) Yes, sir.
Captain Star: I am proud to welcome Emily and Matthew into the Star Fleet!
Star Tugs: Hurray!
Narrator: My father was right. While they had disobeyed orders, the day would not have been saved without Emily and Matthew. And Top Hat earned a newfound respect for the naval tug. While it is important to stick to your job, it’s always important to help others. Without Emily and Matthew’s quick-thinking, I wouldn’t have been able to lead the tugs today.
- Narrator- DarthRatBat
- Captain Star (note: the narrator and captain star in this story are not the same people. The narrator is Captain Star's son, and Captain Star is the original one.)-DarthRatBat
- Ten Cents-TenCents
- Top Hat-thenemisis97
- Big Mac-DarthRatBat
- The Red Cross-SFG